Joy

I found joy again today from attending the mass Pope Francis celebrated for the 500 years of Christianity in the Philippines. His homily focused on reminding us that God loves us and His love is forever. 

Pope Francis also thanked the Filipino community all over the world for spreading joy and evangelizing. I realized that anywhere we go we just automatically spread His love and share our faith. That's what inspired me to update this blog today after a very long absence. 

My heart is full from the beautiful mass I attended live through YouTube. You can also watch it here. I couldn't help but cry when the choir started to sing Filipino mass songs. It's been over a year since I last attended mass in person in Manila. 

I remember Fr. Joey Faller said during a healing mass, when you feel an overwhelming emotion during mass it means you are in the presence of the Lord. I felt this way twice this week. The first one was when I listened to Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD's homily. The second one was today when I heard mass with Pope Francis. 

It's the feeling of pure joy and I haven't felt this way for a long time now. 

I am Dependent on Him

I've been with the same company for almost 12 years now and I never planned to be where I am today. I oftentimes still get overwhelmed and honestly feel I have imposter syndrome and to make matters worse for me, I'm also an introvert.

In my Dad's last few years he always reminded us about Primum Regnun Dei. It's the motto of Ateneo de Naga which means, "First the Kingdom of God" from Matthew 6:33: "Seek first the kingdom of God and His justice and all things shall be added unto you". I keep all of my Dad's reminders close to my heart. He knew I disliked public speaking. Didn't like leading stuff. I was nervous all the time about many things. He believed in me though, always encouraged me and pushed me to be the best I can be.

I think one of the most valuable advise he gave us was to pray. Pray for courage. Pray for things to work out. Pray for guidance. And essentially leave everything to God's design. It was during the worst time in my life that I gave everything up and left everything to God to steer me in the right direction. I am dependent on Him. Whenever I'm in trouble I pray and ask to be led to the right direction. Sometimes the answer doesn't come right away. It always comes at the right time.

I am just thankful that God is always there. I cannot imagine my life without Him. For this Easter I hope to be able to appreciate better everyting He has done for me, so I can do better and be where I am supposed to be.

Be Not Afraid

I've been meaning to write a weekly note here after hearing mass so that I'd remember what I learned in church, but I just haven't gotten around to doing it.

Today's Miguel's birthday and despite the typhoon I'm glad we did not procrastinate and heard mass at our usual time with the choir. Hearing mass never fails to center me whenever things go haywire. I've been stressed out the past week and it's been driving me bonkers.

Our new parish priest gives really great homilies. You'd never notice that he actually takes an hour to finish his homily, that's because he explains the readings, responsorial psalm and the Gospel. He never preaches, he gives concrete examples and is actually very entertaining.

There were three main messages that Fr. Ramon communicated during his homily: cast your burdens on Him, be not afraid, and be content.

The homily reminded me that I am not alone and that I should never worry about tomorrow because the Lord will always, ALWAYS be there. All through these years He's been there to guide me and bring me to where I should be. There were a lot of rough patches, but I managed because I made Him my Navigator. I have nothing to be afraid of because He will always take care of me because He loves me. And that is what I should never forget.

Please say a prayer for the victims of the Sulpicio Lines ship that sank today at Romblon and for all the victims of Typhoon Frank.

Psalm 23 (for the working people)

I received this in my email and it said I should pass it on to others. It's a great reminder about why we actually work. Gave me peace of mind when I read it and I'm going to print it and post it in front of my work station.

The Lord is my real boss, and I shall not want.
He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me.
He gently reminds me to pray and do all things without
murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that He is my source and not my job.
He restores my sanity everyday and guides my decisions
that I might honor Him in all that I do

Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mails, system
crashes, unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping
co-workers, discriminating supervisors and an aging body
that doesn't cooperate every morning, I still will not stop---
for He is with me! His presence, His peace, and His power
will see me through.

He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me.
He claims me as His own, even when the company threatens
to let me go. His Faithfulness and love is better than any bonus cheque

His retirement plan beats any 401k there is!
When it's all said and done, I'll be working for Him a whole lot longer
and for that
I BLESS HIS NAME!!!!!!

Shoooo!

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

- John Wooden

I never imagined myself to be in the limelight even though a manghuhula told me a few years ago that I have "stars" on the palm of my hand. He said I was destined to become famous and have great responsibility. My reaction then was just to giggle. I said, "Who? Me?" And I feared that it might come true.

That's why I hyperventilated (figuratively) for two months when I got my job. I cried when I arrived at the San Francisco Airport. And I was simply speechless for almost 3 months which made my boss think that I wasn't the person who went through the interviews. I was simply overwhelmed. My parents just taught me how to do good in my work and not how to handle "being known".

I still don't consider myself as "known". I still fear it because I do not want to change. I just want to be the girl-next-door, "the daughter of", the bungisngis, the nerd, Miguel's Mom, the Sweetie etc. and at the end of the day I just want to complete my mission.

`nuff said.

When God Writes Your Love Story (Part 2)

More than two years ago I wrote "When God Writes Your Love Story" for The Beads (our parish newsletter) which I re-published here in Homegrown. Why did I even write such a piece?
I must say it took me a long time to heal from being abandoned with my child and to get over a broken engagement. Put that together and I think you'd end up to be a very bitter person. But, I drew strength primarily from my faith and my family and that's what really helped me keep a positive outlook on life. That despite all the mishaps and misadventures that I've been through, I always, always believed that things will fall into place when the time is right.

This is where I left off in the first part of this discourse -

And that is precisely the point of having faith in God. Leaving everything to Him. Yup, even your love life. It may take a while, it may not be the first guy who will show interest in you, may take more than a couple of guys showing their interest in you… God will weed them out for you because He has your best interest in His heart. Huwag magmadali! Hold out for the higher standard! And while waiting for Him to write your love story, it's better to transform your energies towards serving Him and serving others and, of course, spending time with your family.

But it is so hard to believe when everything seems to be going against what you are wishing for. And the path just sometimes gets harder to trudge. My perspective changed drastically after ready Bo Sanchez' "Finding Your One True Love". If you remember from my previous write-up, I mentioned that I stopped dating and I shunned any approach. With that book, I managed to define what I thought I needed and wanted. I even made a personal list. But, I am only human, because eventually I tried to open myself up again, however, things always did not work out. There was always somebody around, but that person always ran short of what I thought I wanted and needed.

I met and befriended one guy after another. I have so many guy friends now! But I eventually realized that I had to do my part as well. I had to heal. I had to work out the kinks in my life. I had to face my past and so I prayed for closure. I prayed to God to help me put everything to rest and that I may finally forgive, forget and start afresh. I even kidded myself that when everything has been closed then my "one true love" will finally come.

I remember a few months ago somebody sent me an email about my post on "When God Writes Your Love Story". He said that he liked what I wrote and said that, "At this moment, God is writing your love story". I believed him. I believed that things were soon going to fall into place. So, I kept myself busy with work and some service. Then the closures came one after another. The kinks were ironed out and I felt I was a complete person again. Ready to love.

My life was never a fairy tale for me. It's been more like an action-drama-fantasy-comedy movie with many characters and plots and sub-plots. But I would like to say that I got through it all because of my faith. Because I believed that God would navigate it to the right path. I just put my heart in His hands and allowed Him to write my love story. I almost slipped again and I'd say I've given up. I even welcomed the thought of single blessedness.

But in the most unexpected moment, the right time had come. My one true love finally found me.

Keep the faith! =)

Waiting, Thy Will Be Done

Sometimes we get so impatient about getting our way we pray so hard and then we get tampo with God whenever He doesn't grant our prayers. Familiar?

I've realized so many things lately - that's what happens when you're stuck in the plane doing nothing, you end up pondering about stuff, life and whatever. I was on my way home from Singapore the other night, it was probably around 3 in the morning and I looked out of the plane's window and was surprised to see... stars! I was a bit surprised since I've never seen that many stars while riding an airplane. It made me smile because the first thought I had was, "God decorated the sky for me, it will not always be dark because He is always there." I've watched too many airplane crash documentaries lately and that's made me anxious about riding airplanes. Seeing the stars calmed me down, I guess I just felt that God was there watching over me.

And it was then that I realized that God answered one prayer I've been praying for most of my life. I never lost hope and never became bitter when things didn't go well. I just prayed and waited and waited and waited and waited. I might have given up a few times, but I felt that He would always give something for me to hang onto.

God answers all prayers, but always remember He will grant it only when the time is right.