Whispers

Gone
Hear the faint crash of waves
on the distant seashore.

Oceans apart
Hear the silence
Not even the beat of your heart.

And then back
Did you hear?
My heart's soft sigh.

Pause.

Recognition
Memories stirring
Everything's drowned out.

Hit play
Every bit, rushing in.

You smile
Remembered
And then said goodbye.

Keeping Awake

I have three best friends who keep me sane - there's Darwin, my soul's twin, Tappy, my soul sister and Anne, my pillar of hope. I don't see them that much since one is in Cebu, the other in Singapore and well my work brings me everywhere and it's quite hard to pin down meet-up dates. But they've been in my life for years now, most of my life and they know me best. Joys, pains, inside, outside, front, back, black, white, good and bad.

Tappy couldn't sleep the other night and wrote this about me:

I think she is always awake. Her eyes may be closed, she may be tucked in bed, but I know she is still awake. That woman has the talent of telling her mind and body to be awake at any time she wants it to. Which is why I am not surprised why she is able to do a million things in a day. It's amazing.

I unfortunately went to bed early that night and we were not able to chat. LOL.

Reading that made me pause and think. Don't I ever sleep? Don't I ever rest? Am I really always awake?

I guess so because I always have a gazillion things to do every day and even while I sleep my mind works. I strategize. I worry. I think about what I have to deliver. Goodness! I multi-task even while I'm asleep. That's why my parents get scared when I drive around, they know I'm thinking of something else while I'm driving.

Can I just add a teenie, bit here? - Someone who can make me rest.

Delirious Intentions

You'll know when I'm bothered about something when I post in this blog. Bothered, emo or deliriously happy perhaps. One of the extremes.

Sometimes there are just some things that really make me sad. Things that involve friends usually.

I've come to realize that not everything can really be rosy in this world. Ah, well, I've known that for a long time, but I always try to look at the bright side of things. And I'm hopelessly idealistic. It is difficult for me to believe that not everyone has good intentions. And that I am susceptible to such atrocities.

I hope these people would just lay off me. Get off my back! Let me do my mission in peace. Find another person to bug, to use, to manipulate. But, then again, I hope you just stop it and bug off.

If only there was Baygon to spray off these buggers...

I will just pray for them.

Appearances

Only my best friend knows how emo I could get. I could be very funny, flippant at times, jolly. You’ll never really know when I’m not happy because I don’t want people worried over me. My best friend does a good job doing that.

I don’t really deem it fit to wear my heart on my sleeve, but don’t be fooled. I get hurt too. I’m just good at hiding it. That’s why whenever friends tell me that they are in trouble, I still ask them if they are okay even though the storm has passed.

I just like to say that I appreciate a lot the people who have been rallying behind me. Cheering me on by their own accord. They’ve been sensitive enough to know that there was something amiss and I my sun wasn’t shining. I feel it’s God’s way of telling me to hold on and that there’s really nothing to be worried about.

With faith and love, nothing is impossible.

I Survived this Day

I think it's not really a good idea for me to make a post right now. My sleep induced brain would probably churn out stuff that I shouldn't really share.

But the, hey, see I'm up and posting. Oh well...

All I could say for this day is, thank God I have friends who have been rallying behind me. And thank God for the resilience, that I managed to do my work properly and successfully.

Yes, I was hurt, but I survived and managed to put other things ahead of me, especially work! Aunt Mae (Spiderman) would be proud of me, maybe I'm ready to be a husband errr wife. Eeek, I don't think so. Oh well... (rolling eyes).

And, I guess that's all I have to say for today. Hopefully it will be a better day tomorrow and I'll be my usual bubbly self. Amen.

Counting Your Blessings When You are in a Rut

Sometimes when you've just gotten out of a rut, for some insane reason you fall right back into it.

I woke up today, bright and cheerful. My best friend noticed and even said, "Someone's cheerful today". Yeah, check out the previous post.

And, so I thought. (rolling eyes)

I didn't mean to fall right back in the rut I'm in. Some circumstances in the evening shoved me back in. I read in one of Bo Sanchez' books that whenever you're feeling down and lonely you should write down at least ten blessings and that would cheer you up.

I've forgotten about this. I used to do this every single day before and I'd even write down the mundane things like "cold water on a really hot day" as a blessing. It helps me a lot.

And, so when I got home, I was definitely quite sad (shoved back in the rut remember). My son was asleep with the TV's remote control still clasped in his hand. I just scratched my head, sat beside his bed and kissed his bushy head. He woke up instantly and hugged me. And then he wouldn't let go. I was quite surprised because he usually just gives me a big hug and let's go immediately. I guess he felt I was sad because he really wouldn't let me go. I even chided him that he probably needed something or that something has gone wrong. He said he just wanted to hug me and just hugged harder.

And that broke me. I didn't want him to see me sad so I put him back to sleep and went to my study room to check my mail and there popped my next blessing.

In this really crazy and chaotic world it's really hard to find friends you could trust. I've all but given up on finding new friends I could really be myself with. But God is continually (and forever!) good because He has sent me an unexpected friend. Inasmuch as I've known him only for a couple of months, he's been there in the happy-happy/joy-joy times and now he's seen me really sad. And that's really rare coz I usually find something to be happy about every single day.

My son and my friend. Just those two is more than enough blessings for today.

Getting Myself Out of a Rut

One funny thing about myself is - and I can get myself out of a rut. No amount of pep talk or my best friend's pagpapatawa can get myself out of my hole when I'm in a really bad mood. That doesn't happen very often, but it takes days to get me out of my shell again.

I guess everyone's like that, ya know? Unless you manage to prep yourself up and figure things out then it's pretty useless for your friends to even try to bring you back out. What they can do however is be a sounding board. What's effective for me are the bits and pieces of advise that I mull over while I try to figure things out.

Methinks I'm just really stubborn. Too independent at times. Hey, you got to understand that all these years I've managed on my own, especially in protecting myself.

I got lost the past few months. Haven't been writing anything inspirational, coz I wasn't inspired myself. I even quit my post as our Parish editor-in-chief and social communications ministry head. Difference of objectives. I thought I was protecting the goal of our publication (which was to inspire people), but they wanted something else. So I just quit. I realized that there are other means by which I can inspire people and I just want to concentrate on my work right now.

Anyway, I was touched by Jun's special mention to me as a "Great Catholic Blog". That got me thinking, maybe I do inspire people. Well, I hope so.

I've always had a positive outlook in life. I have my ups and downs too, but my faith always keeps me up. Whenever I stray away, God always has a way of bumping my head and getting me back in His fold. And that's what always gets me out of a rut.

And my little secret when I'm in trouble? A few moments spent at the Greenbelt church emo-ing to Him always brings me back on course.

Papa God, I'm still waiting for you to write my love story. Oh well, I guess I haven't fulfilled my missions as a single person that's why. :)

When God Writes Your Love Story

Each and every month I get to sit down with one of our priests. It is so much a privilege to see their private side (mind you they could be really, really funny). Even though I'm busy with work, spending time with family and friends, I always look forward to spending an hour (that always stretches to a minimum of three hours) a month with our priests. I always stand in awe at how God worked in their lives. Calling them to their vocation. Believe me, becoming a priest as I have seen is no easy path to take.

So what does it have to do with the business of loving?

I was sincerely touched with Fr. Lito's revelation about his calling and the challenges he went through during his studies. He had no inkling whatsoever in his youth that he would become a priest. But through a book he read (“The Greatest Love of All”) he felt the “tremendous, overwhelming” love of God. Through Fr. Lito's sharing I felt it. I felt how much love God showed him and how this love made him overcome all the trials he faced before he became a priest.

And Fr. Lito faced one of the greatest challenges that a human could face choosing between his service and the love of his life. It was a struggle, but he overcame it because God loved him. I felt so sad then. I realized how hard it must be for our dear priests who had sacrificed that side of their humanity to serve God. And it is quite hard to fathom when you're just a lay person.

Which now brings me to another side of loving. The romantic kind of love.

Recovering from a broken engagement a few years ago, I came across this book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. At that time I did kiss dating goodbye and when I came across the book at my favorite bookstore I thought, “Interesting huh!”.

The book didn't talk about not dating or falling in love. It put love in a better context, a better way of approaching it with all the hullabaloo about love in movies, TV etc. you'd tend to get really lost on what it is really. Joshua Harris shared that he gave up dating. He came to believe that “the lifestyle of short-term relationships was a detour from serving God as a single”. Huwhaaat?!? I didn't stop dating because I wanted to use my time to serve, I stopped because I just didn't want to get into a rebound relationship. But Joshua Harris stopped dating because he started to question how his faith affected his love life. “The main point of `I Kissed Dating Goodbye' was “If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance.”” The book further explained that there's more to your faith and your love life than merely not having sex or dating only Christians.

It took a few months for the message of the book to sink in with me. I just went along my way, not dating, and became regular again in attending to my service through the Sun Valley Music Ministry. After a few months I came across Joshua Harris' second book “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship”. Abah, naka-lovelife na si Joshua, I thought. So I got the book and became fascinated with what it had to say. With the first book it just basically said, “Don't date or get into a relationship unless your ready for marriage”. At that time the thought of getting married made me hyperventilate, so it wasn't any problem for me. But of course you got to move on right?

“Boy Meets Girl” bridges the gap between not dating and preparing for marriage. It's message is similar to the book “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It answers the question, “So how would you know if the time is right and whether he or she is the one?” Both books are love stories written by the grace of God. In the kind of world we have right now it makes you think “How do I actually find someone who has the same values or the right values? How do I find somebody who's going to be like my Mom and Dad who's been married for 46 years?”

Both books espouse that you just have to leave the navigating to God. Leave your love life to God? What does He have to do with that? It is probably one thing that's difficult to just leave to God's Will because let's face it, we all want action. When it comes to this part of our lives, we want it immediate and siguardo. No room for uncertainty.

Bo Sanchez has a new bestseller in his book “How to Find Your One True Love”. It details steps on how to “attract God’s best for the single person”. Another must read book for single people (and I think even married people should read this to remind them about being with the right person). I think it is a life-saving book (as it claims) because it explains really well questions that single people have – mostly on why you’re single. But what’s great about it is that it outlines things that you should do. It takes a proactive stand and tells you not to wait for “the right one” to “fall off from the sky”. Very practical, straight to the point, be ready to get a whole new view on loving.

And that is precisely the point of having faith in God. Leaving everything to Him. Yup, even your love life. It may take a while, it may not be the first guy who will show interest in you, may take more than a couple of guys showing their interest in you… God will weed them out for you because He has your best interest in His heart. Huwag magmadali! Hold out for the higher standard! And while waiting for Him to write your love story, it's better to transform your energies towards serving Him and serving others (kaya mag-volunteer ka na sa The Beads! Hehehehe) and, of course, spending time with your family.

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Books to Read while you're waiting for God to write your love story (they're a fun read!):

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
How to Find Your One True Love by Bo Sanchez

*This was originally published in the May 2006 issue of The Beads, newsletter of the Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary Parish, Paranaque City, Metro Manila.

Yesterday, Fr. Ramon Ramos, C.P. delivered a 45-minute passionate sermon during mass. He spoke about why one goes to hear mass. He said that China has more than 100 martyrs and the Philippines only has one, Lorenzo Ruiz. He said that worldwide there are only 1 billion Christian Catholics, just one-sixth of the total world population. In other countries there are less than 20% Christian Catholics, but in the Philippines there are more than 80% Catholics, but if you notice very few hear mass, much less serve during mass.

Unlike in other countries, like Indonesia, a Muslim country, where there are 300,000 active Catholics. I could say that is true because I was just there and I saw that people were more devoted, more active and people actually lived as Christian Catholics. My 17-year nephew who grew up in Jakarta, prefers Hillsong CDs over rock band music and he actually gives out talks for his YFC activities and speaks about Jesus a lot.

Fr. Ramon also shared that there are 168 hours in a week and God only requires us 1 hour per week to hear mass, leaving us with 167 hours to do other things. And during mass he pointed out that we should participate. Sing, reply to responses, listen to the homily and the readings because it is only for one hour.

But then, why is it we go to mass? Fr. Ramon shared that in China they managed to have over a hundred martyers because they died for their faith, unlike here where only a handful lives for their faith. Would you die for your faith?

Big Things from Small Talk
October 30, 2006

Rule #1: Always dream big.

Rule #2: Don’t mingle with negative people.

The Ultimate Rule: Always pray.

It’s been a long while since I last saw my buddies from college. We each had our own excuses for not staying in touch. And so after so many years of not seeing each other we had a mini-reunion at Joe’s wedding.

It was a fascinating Chinese wedding. The brilliant hues of magenta and the apple green motif matched well the warmth I felt in the simple, yet very elegant (and expensive!) celebration. The years just faded away as we updated each other. Between the wedding ceremony and the reception we managed to have some time off at a little coffee shop by CCP.

And that’s where I re-learned two very simple things. Rule #1 and Rule #2.

Brin, a multi-awarded advertising agency professional, had very big dreams back in college. He was a chemistry graduate, but because of his talent he is now known for the catchy commercials he pens. His father was murdered last year and he was thrust with the responsibility of looking over his son, mother and two sisters. Adding to that was the burden of finding out that their house was mortgaged without their knowledge. Because of this, Brin thinks his grand dreams are unreachable. He thinks he’ll be saddled with problems forever.

Al, the guy took seven years to finish college. Transferring from one course to another, ended up having to finish his studies at another school. All these years he’s been jumping from one venture to another, from longganisa to video gaming. We all thought he’d never get anywhere.

I was surprised with Brin’s sharing. I was really It never occurred to me that he would think that way because he’s successful, even multi-awarded. Al then started talking about how he managed to change his mindset. He admitted that he was a wanderer before. He kept planning and planning, but never got anything implemented. Why? Because the people he spent time with were negative. They always told him he’d never make it and the things he planned were not going to get off the ground. And then Al shared that he is actually implementing the things he had planned, starting with a video game he’s making to an exciting movie food-to-go stall he’s about to launch.

It was then that Brin’s mood started to change. He realized that he’d been spending too much time with people who were negative. Co-workers complaining about their jobs, his mother who kept saying they should just live in a `barong-barong’ to other people who were just stuck in the grind of day-to-day living. He also realized he had stopped dreaming. He went home that night a changed person.


Surprising what you can get out of attending a wedding. To think the groom was someone (1) who we all thought won’t get married (ever) and (2) won’t ever set foot in a Church. Well, the groom (1) is the first guy to get married in our group and (2) he was the one who chose and made the arrangements to get married at the Manila Cathedral.

God really moves in mysterious ways. In everything we go through there is only one ultimate solution: PRAYER.

And so brings us to the first year anniversary of THE BEADS. Starting off last year at a small writing workshop, we’ve managed to publish seven issues. Believe me, we have undergone through a lot of sleepless nights, begging, close calls, tears and negative feedback to come out with THE BEADS. And hasn’t been easy, but it is a calling.

We bring you Volume II of THE BEADS with a special on the Parish Fiesta, plans of the Parish Pastoral Council and a little feature on the staff of THE BEADS.

Don’t be shy, JOIN US!