Appearances

Only my best friend knows how emo I could get. I could be very funny, flippant at times, jolly. You’ll never really know when I’m not happy because I don’t want people worried over me. My best friend does a good job doing that.

I don’t really deem it fit to wear my heart on my sleeve, but don’t be fooled. I get hurt too. I’m just good at hiding it. That’s why whenever friends tell me that they are in trouble, I still ask them if they are okay even though the storm has passed.

I just like to say that I appreciate a lot the people who have been rallying behind me. Cheering me on by their own accord. They’ve been sensitive enough to know that there was something amiss and I my sun wasn’t shining. I feel it’s God’s way of telling me to hold on and that there’s really nothing to be worried about.

With faith and love, nothing is impossible.

I Survived this Day

I think it's not really a good idea for me to make a post right now. My sleep induced brain would probably churn out stuff that I shouldn't really share.

But the, hey, see I'm up and posting. Oh well...

All I could say for this day is, thank God I have friends who have been rallying behind me. And thank God for the resilience, that I managed to do my work properly and successfully.

Yes, I was hurt, but I survived and managed to put other things ahead of me, especially work! Aunt Mae (Spiderman) would be proud of me, maybe I'm ready to be a husband errr wife. Eeek, I don't think so. Oh well... (rolling eyes).

And, I guess that's all I have to say for today. Hopefully it will be a better day tomorrow and I'll be my usual bubbly self. Amen.

Counting Your Blessings When You are in a Rut

Sometimes when you've just gotten out of a rut, for some insane reason you fall right back into it.

I woke up today, bright and cheerful. My best friend noticed and even said, "Someone's cheerful today". Yeah, check out the previous post.

And, so I thought. (rolling eyes)

I didn't mean to fall right back in the rut I'm in. Some circumstances in the evening shoved me back in. I read in one of Bo Sanchez' books that whenever you're feeling down and lonely you should write down at least ten blessings and that would cheer you up.

I've forgotten about this. I used to do this every single day before and I'd even write down the mundane things like "cold water on a really hot day" as a blessing. It helps me a lot.

And, so when I got home, I was definitely quite sad (shoved back in the rut remember). My son was asleep with the TV's remote control still clasped in his hand. I just scratched my head, sat beside his bed and kissed his bushy head. He woke up instantly and hugged me. And then he wouldn't let go. I was quite surprised because he usually just gives me a big hug and let's go immediately. I guess he felt I was sad because he really wouldn't let me go. I even chided him that he probably needed something or that something has gone wrong. He said he just wanted to hug me and just hugged harder.

And that broke me. I didn't want him to see me sad so I put him back to sleep and went to my study room to check my mail and there popped my next blessing.

In this really crazy and chaotic world it's really hard to find friends you could trust. I've all but given up on finding new friends I could really be myself with. But God is continually (and forever!) good because He has sent me an unexpected friend. Inasmuch as I've known him only for a couple of months, he's been there in the happy-happy/joy-joy times and now he's seen me really sad. And that's really rare coz I usually find something to be happy about every single day.

My son and my friend. Just those two is more than enough blessings for today.

Getting Myself Out of a Rut

One funny thing about myself is - and I can get myself out of a rut. No amount of pep talk or my best friend's pagpapatawa can get myself out of my hole when I'm in a really bad mood. That doesn't happen very often, but it takes days to get me out of my shell again.

I guess everyone's like that, ya know? Unless you manage to prep yourself up and figure things out then it's pretty useless for your friends to even try to bring you back out. What they can do however is be a sounding board. What's effective for me are the bits and pieces of advise that I mull over while I try to figure things out.

Methinks I'm just really stubborn. Too independent at times. Hey, you got to understand that all these years I've managed on my own, especially in protecting myself.

I got lost the past few months. Haven't been writing anything inspirational, coz I wasn't inspired myself. I even quit my post as our Parish editor-in-chief and social communications ministry head. Difference of objectives. I thought I was protecting the goal of our publication (which was to inspire people), but they wanted something else. So I just quit. I realized that there are other means by which I can inspire people and I just want to concentrate on my work right now.

Anyway, I was touched by Jun's special mention to me as a "Great Catholic Blog". That got me thinking, maybe I do inspire people. Well, I hope so.

I've always had a positive outlook in life. I have my ups and downs too, but my faith always keeps me up. Whenever I stray away, God always has a way of bumping my head and getting me back in His fold. And that's what always gets me out of a rut.

And my little secret when I'm in trouble? A few moments spent at the Greenbelt church emo-ing to Him always brings me back on course.

Papa God, I'm still waiting for you to write my love story. Oh well, I guess I haven't fulfilled my missions as a single person that's why. :)