When God Writes Your Love Story (Part 2)

More than two years ago I wrote "When God Writes Your Love Story" for The Beads (our parish newsletter) which I re-published here in Homegrown. Why did I even write such a piece?
I must say it took me a long time to heal from being abandoned with my child and to get over a broken engagement. Put that together and I think you'd end up to be a very bitter person. But, I drew strength primarily from my faith and my family and that's what really helped me keep a positive outlook on life. That despite all the mishaps and misadventures that I've been through, I always, always believed that things will fall into place when the time is right.

This is where I left off in the first part of this discourse -

And that is precisely the point of having faith in God. Leaving everything to Him. Yup, even your love life. It may take a while, it may not be the first guy who will show interest in you, may take more than a couple of guys showing their interest in you… God will weed them out for you because He has your best interest in His heart. Huwag magmadali! Hold out for the higher standard! And while waiting for Him to write your love story, it's better to transform your energies towards serving Him and serving others and, of course, spending time with your family.

But it is so hard to believe when everything seems to be going against what you are wishing for. And the path just sometimes gets harder to trudge. My perspective changed drastically after ready Bo Sanchez' "Finding Your One True Love". If you remember from my previous write-up, I mentioned that I stopped dating and I shunned any approach. With that book, I managed to define what I thought I needed and wanted. I even made a personal list. But, I am only human, because eventually I tried to open myself up again, however, things always did not work out. There was always somebody around, but that person always ran short of what I thought I wanted and needed.

I met and befriended one guy after another. I have so many guy friends now! But I eventually realized that I had to do my part as well. I had to heal. I had to work out the kinks in my life. I had to face my past and so I prayed for closure. I prayed to God to help me put everything to rest and that I may finally forgive, forget and start afresh. I even kidded myself that when everything has been closed then my "one true love" will finally come.

I remember a few months ago somebody sent me an email about my post on "When God Writes Your Love Story". He said that he liked what I wrote and said that, "At this moment, God is writing your love story". I believed him. I believed that things were soon going to fall into place. So, I kept myself busy with work and some service. Then the closures came one after another. The kinks were ironed out and I felt I was a complete person again. Ready to love.

My life was never a fairy tale for me. It's been more like an action-drama-fantasy-comedy movie with many characters and plots and sub-plots. But I would like to say that I got through it all because of my faith. Because I believed that God would navigate it to the right path. I just put my heart in His hands and allowed Him to write my love story. I almost slipped again and I'd say I've given up. I even welcomed the thought of single blessedness.

But in the most unexpected moment, the right time had come. My one true love finally found me.

Keep the faith! =)

Waiting, Thy Will Be Done

Sometimes we get so impatient about getting our way we pray so hard and then we get tampo with God whenever He doesn't grant our prayers. Familiar?

I've realized so many things lately - that's what happens when you're stuck in the plane doing nothing, you end up pondering about stuff, life and whatever. I was on my way home from Singapore the other night, it was probably around 3 in the morning and I looked out of the plane's window and was surprised to see... stars! I was a bit surprised since I've never seen that many stars while riding an airplane. It made me smile because the first thought I had was, "God decorated the sky for me, it will not always be dark because He is always there." I've watched too many airplane crash documentaries lately and that's made me anxious about riding airplanes. Seeing the stars calmed me down, I guess I just felt that God was there watching over me.

And it was then that I realized that God answered one prayer I've been praying for most of my life. I never lost hope and never became bitter when things didn't go well. I just prayed and waited and waited and waited and waited. I might have given up a few times, but I felt that He would always give something for me to hang onto.

God answers all prayers, but always remember He will grant it only when the time is right.

Relax!

"The Lord is my Shepherd, there is nothing I shall want."
Psalm 23

Sometimes we all get so caught up with the mundane stuff of life like bills, work, the traffic, our task list and we forget to relax. Brother Bo in this video reminds us that, "All things will work out for the good... All is well because God is there."

That is very true.

If you notice, I write in this blog of mine sparingly. I only write here normally when I am very inspired and that's when I feel like inspiring others as well. I've been blogging for a year already and looking back, it hasn't been all roses for me, there were a lot of stinky moments (I think much more than the rosy moments). I'd say it was quite a tumultous year filled with ups and downs, but I managed because of my faith.

There were a lot of moments that I just felt like giving up, but I knew I just had to thread on. As my best friend aptly put in her Twitter yesterday, "Life goes on." During bothered times I try to remind myself about my mission and that I should just follow God's Will. That is what calms me down. And besides, He's always been there for all my adventures and misadventures, good and bad.

And I always come back. Why? Because I am His daughter.

Just a Thought

My life closed twice before its close;
It yet remains to see
If Immortality unveil
A third event to me,
So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
As these that twice befell.
Parting is all we know of heaven,
And all we need of hell.

- Emily Dickinson

Back in the Fold

No, I have not been rebelling. I just wanted to make a point.

I mean, a couple of months ago I quit on my job as Editor of our parish newsletter. Not because I didn't want to serve anymore, but because people were pulling me in all sorts of directions. One wanted to use the newsletter for political purposes, others wanted to use it to criticize other people, then there were those who just couldn't care less and would just submit their write-ups in outline form and then say "do the write-up" and those who'd get mad because I edited their write-ups. Rant. Rant. Rant. They wanted to take control of it, so I gave them what they wanted.

Anyway, so our parish priest called me up and bamboozled me into coming back as our parish' social communications ministry head, ergo, Editor of our parish newsletter. He said he didn't really like how the new guys did the latest magazine. I could only gawk at the end result. I'm not going to give any comments on it. My lips are sealed... a lot of times. LOL.

Ranting aside. Kidding aside. I know that despite all the other missions I am onto right now. I know I have been called and it's something I have to do... well until probably someone who can take over comes along. Hehehe. And, I guess, aside from the choir I need to do a bit more of service as well. I have been truly blessed with so many things and I think it would be the best way for me to give it all back.

Bahala na si Lord. :)

Whispers

Gone
Hear the faint crash of waves
on the distant seashore.

Oceans apart
Hear the silence
Not even the beat of your heart.

And then back
Did you hear?
My heart's soft sigh.

Pause.

Recognition
Memories stirring
Everything's drowned out.

Hit play
Every bit, rushing in.

You smile
Remembered
And then said goodbye.

Keeping Awake

I have three best friends who keep me sane - there's Darwin, my soul's twin, Tappy, my soul sister and Anne, my pillar of hope. I don't see them that much since one is in Cebu, the other in Singapore and well my work brings me everywhere and it's quite hard to pin down meet-up dates. But they've been in my life for years now, most of my life and they know me best. Joys, pains, inside, outside, front, back, black, white, good and bad.

Tappy couldn't sleep the other night and wrote this about me:

I think she is always awake. Her eyes may be closed, she may be tucked in bed, but I know she is still awake. That woman has the talent of telling her mind and body to be awake at any time she wants it to. Which is why I am not surprised why she is able to do a million things in a day. It's amazing.

I unfortunately went to bed early that night and we were not able to chat. LOL.

Reading that made me pause and think. Don't I ever sleep? Don't I ever rest? Am I really always awake?

I guess so because I always have a gazillion things to do every day and even while I sleep my mind works. I strategize. I worry. I think about what I have to deliver. Goodness! I multi-task even while I'm asleep. That's why my parents get scared when I drive around, they know I'm thinking of something else while I'm driving.

Can I just add a teenie, bit here? - Someone who can make me rest.

Delirious Intentions

You'll know when I'm bothered about something when I post in this blog. Bothered, emo or deliriously happy perhaps. One of the extremes.

Sometimes there are just some things that really make me sad. Things that involve friends usually.

I've come to realize that not everything can really be rosy in this world. Ah, well, I've known that for a long time, but I always try to look at the bright side of things. And I'm hopelessly idealistic. It is difficult for me to believe that not everyone has good intentions. And that I am susceptible to such atrocities.

I hope these people would just lay off me. Get off my back! Let me do my mission in peace. Find another person to bug, to use, to manipulate. But, then again, I hope you just stop it and bug off.

If only there was Baygon to spray off these buggers...

I will just pray for them.

Appearances

Only my best friend knows how emo I could get. I could be very funny, flippant at times, jolly. You’ll never really know when I’m not happy because I don’t want people worried over me. My best friend does a good job doing that.

I don’t really deem it fit to wear my heart on my sleeve, but don’t be fooled. I get hurt too. I’m just good at hiding it. That’s why whenever friends tell me that they are in trouble, I still ask them if they are okay even though the storm has passed.

I just like to say that I appreciate a lot the people who have been rallying behind me. Cheering me on by their own accord. They’ve been sensitive enough to know that there was something amiss and I my sun wasn’t shining. I feel it’s God’s way of telling me to hold on and that there’s really nothing to be worried about.

With faith and love, nothing is impossible.

I Survived this Day

I think it's not really a good idea for me to make a post right now. My sleep induced brain would probably churn out stuff that I shouldn't really share.

But the, hey, see I'm up and posting. Oh well...

All I could say for this day is, thank God I have friends who have been rallying behind me. And thank God for the resilience, that I managed to do my work properly and successfully.

Yes, I was hurt, but I survived and managed to put other things ahead of me, especially work! Aunt Mae (Spiderman) would be proud of me, maybe I'm ready to be a husband errr wife. Eeek, I don't think so. Oh well... (rolling eyes).

And, I guess that's all I have to say for today. Hopefully it will be a better day tomorrow and I'll be my usual bubbly self. Amen.

Counting Your Blessings When You are in a Rut

Sometimes when you've just gotten out of a rut, for some insane reason you fall right back into it.

I woke up today, bright and cheerful. My best friend noticed and even said, "Someone's cheerful today". Yeah, check out the previous post.

And, so I thought. (rolling eyes)

I didn't mean to fall right back in the rut I'm in. Some circumstances in the evening shoved me back in. I read in one of Bo Sanchez' books that whenever you're feeling down and lonely you should write down at least ten blessings and that would cheer you up.

I've forgotten about this. I used to do this every single day before and I'd even write down the mundane things like "cold water on a really hot day" as a blessing. It helps me a lot.

And, so when I got home, I was definitely quite sad (shoved back in the rut remember). My son was asleep with the TV's remote control still clasped in his hand. I just scratched my head, sat beside his bed and kissed his bushy head. He woke up instantly and hugged me. And then he wouldn't let go. I was quite surprised because he usually just gives me a big hug and let's go immediately. I guess he felt I was sad because he really wouldn't let me go. I even chided him that he probably needed something or that something has gone wrong. He said he just wanted to hug me and just hugged harder.

And that broke me. I didn't want him to see me sad so I put him back to sleep and went to my study room to check my mail and there popped my next blessing.

In this really crazy and chaotic world it's really hard to find friends you could trust. I've all but given up on finding new friends I could really be myself with. But God is continually (and forever!) good because He has sent me an unexpected friend. Inasmuch as I've known him only for a couple of months, he's been there in the happy-happy/joy-joy times and now he's seen me really sad. And that's really rare coz I usually find something to be happy about every single day.

My son and my friend. Just those two is more than enough blessings for today.

Getting Myself Out of a Rut

One funny thing about myself is - and I can get myself out of a rut. No amount of pep talk or my best friend's pagpapatawa can get myself out of my hole when I'm in a really bad mood. That doesn't happen very often, but it takes days to get me out of my shell again.

I guess everyone's like that, ya know? Unless you manage to prep yourself up and figure things out then it's pretty useless for your friends to even try to bring you back out. What they can do however is be a sounding board. What's effective for me are the bits and pieces of advise that I mull over while I try to figure things out.

Methinks I'm just really stubborn. Too independent at times. Hey, you got to understand that all these years I've managed on my own, especially in protecting myself.

I got lost the past few months. Haven't been writing anything inspirational, coz I wasn't inspired myself. I even quit my post as our Parish editor-in-chief and social communications ministry head. Difference of objectives. I thought I was protecting the goal of our publication (which was to inspire people), but they wanted something else. So I just quit. I realized that there are other means by which I can inspire people and I just want to concentrate on my work right now.

Anyway, I was touched by Jun's special mention to me as a "Great Catholic Blog". That got me thinking, maybe I do inspire people. Well, I hope so.

I've always had a positive outlook in life. I have my ups and downs too, but my faith always keeps me up. Whenever I stray away, God always has a way of bumping my head and getting me back in His fold. And that's what always gets me out of a rut.

And my little secret when I'm in trouble? A few moments spent at the Greenbelt church emo-ing to Him always brings me back on course.

Papa God, I'm still waiting for you to write my love story. Oh well, I guess I haven't fulfilled my missions as a single person that's why. :)

When God Writes Your Love Story

Each and every month I get to sit down with one of our priests. It is so much a privilege to see their private side (mind you they could be really, really funny). Even though I'm busy with work, spending time with family and friends, I always look forward to spending an hour (that always stretches to a minimum of three hours) a month with our priests. I always stand in awe at how God worked in their lives. Calling them to their vocation. Believe me, becoming a priest as I have seen is no easy path to take.

So what does it have to do with the business of loving?

I was sincerely touched with Fr. Lito's revelation about his calling and the challenges he went through during his studies. He had no inkling whatsoever in his youth that he would become a priest. But through a book he read (“The Greatest Love of All”) he felt the “tremendous, overwhelming” love of God. Through Fr. Lito's sharing I felt it. I felt how much love God showed him and how this love made him overcome all the trials he faced before he became a priest.

And Fr. Lito faced one of the greatest challenges that a human could face choosing between his service and the love of his life. It was a struggle, but he overcame it because God loved him. I felt so sad then. I realized how hard it must be for our dear priests who had sacrificed that side of their humanity to serve God. And it is quite hard to fathom when you're just a lay person.

Which now brings me to another side of loving. The romantic kind of love.

Recovering from a broken engagement a few years ago, I came across this book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. At that time I did kiss dating goodbye and when I came across the book at my favorite bookstore I thought, “Interesting huh!”.

The book didn't talk about not dating or falling in love. It put love in a better context, a better way of approaching it with all the hullabaloo about love in movies, TV etc. you'd tend to get really lost on what it is really. Joshua Harris shared that he gave up dating. He came to believe that “the lifestyle of short-term relationships was a detour from serving God as a single”. Huwhaaat?!? I didn't stop dating because I wanted to use my time to serve, I stopped because I just didn't want to get into a rebound relationship. But Joshua Harris stopped dating because he started to question how his faith affected his love life. “The main point of `I Kissed Dating Goodbye' was “If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance.”” The book further explained that there's more to your faith and your love life than merely not having sex or dating only Christians.

It took a few months for the message of the book to sink in with me. I just went along my way, not dating, and became regular again in attending to my service through the Sun Valley Music Ministry. After a few months I came across Joshua Harris' second book “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship”. Abah, naka-lovelife na si Joshua, I thought. So I got the book and became fascinated with what it had to say. With the first book it just basically said, “Don't date or get into a relationship unless your ready for marriage”. At that time the thought of getting married made me hyperventilate, so it wasn't any problem for me. But of course you got to move on right?

“Boy Meets Girl” bridges the gap between not dating and preparing for marriage. It's message is similar to the book “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It answers the question, “So how would you know if the time is right and whether he or she is the one?” Both books are love stories written by the grace of God. In the kind of world we have right now it makes you think “How do I actually find someone who has the same values or the right values? How do I find somebody who's going to be like my Mom and Dad who's been married for 46 years?”

Both books espouse that you just have to leave the navigating to God. Leave your love life to God? What does He have to do with that? It is probably one thing that's difficult to just leave to God's Will because let's face it, we all want action. When it comes to this part of our lives, we want it immediate and siguardo. No room for uncertainty.

Bo Sanchez has a new bestseller in his book “How to Find Your One True Love”. It details steps on how to “attract God’s best for the single person”. Another must read book for single people (and I think even married people should read this to remind them about being with the right person). I think it is a life-saving book (as it claims) because it explains really well questions that single people have – mostly on why you’re single. But what’s great about it is that it outlines things that you should do. It takes a proactive stand and tells you not to wait for “the right one” to “fall off from the sky”. Very practical, straight to the point, be ready to get a whole new view on loving.

And that is precisely the point of having faith in God. Leaving everything to Him. Yup, even your love life. It may take a while, it may not be the first guy who will show interest in you, may take more than a couple of guys showing their interest in you… God will weed them out for you because He has your best interest in His heart. Huwag magmadali! Hold out for the higher standard! And while waiting for Him to write your love story, it's better to transform your energies towards serving Him and serving others (kaya mag-volunteer ka na sa The Beads! Hehehehe) and, of course, spending time with your family.

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Books to Read while you're waiting for God to write your love story (they're a fun read!):

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
How to Find Your One True Love by Bo Sanchez

*This was originally published in the May 2006 issue of The Beads, newsletter of the Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary Parish, Paranaque City, Metro Manila.

Yesterday, Fr. Ramon Ramos, C.P. delivered a 45-minute passionate sermon during mass. He spoke about why one goes to hear mass. He said that China has more than 100 martyrs and the Philippines only has one, Lorenzo Ruiz. He said that worldwide there are only 1 billion Christian Catholics, just one-sixth of the total world population. In other countries there are less than 20% Christian Catholics, but in the Philippines there are more than 80% Catholics, but if you notice very few hear mass, much less serve during mass.

Unlike in other countries, like Indonesia, a Muslim country, where there are 300,000 active Catholics. I could say that is true because I was just there and I saw that people were more devoted, more active and people actually lived as Christian Catholics. My 17-year nephew who grew up in Jakarta, prefers Hillsong CDs over rock band music and he actually gives out talks for his YFC activities and speaks about Jesus a lot.

Fr. Ramon also shared that there are 168 hours in a week and God only requires us 1 hour per week to hear mass, leaving us with 167 hours to do other things. And during mass he pointed out that we should participate. Sing, reply to responses, listen to the homily and the readings because it is only for one hour.

But then, why is it we go to mass? Fr. Ramon shared that in China they managed to have over a hundred martyers because they died for their faith, unlike here where only a handful lives for their faith. Would you die for your faith?